Newfoundland Boy
Newfoundland Boy is about the Canadian province of Newfoundland. There's a new episode every Saturday, available (usually with transcript) wherever you get podcasts. || Logo art: Untitled painting by Wayne Jones || Music by Andrii Poradovskyi, INPLUSMUSIC, via Pixabay || © 2026 by Wayne Jones
Newfoundland Boy
My EXCLUSIVE Interview with President Donald J. Trump!
— SHOW NOTES —
President Trump provides alternative facts and lies during my attempted sincere interview of him
| Sources |
– John Paul Tasker, “One Year into Trump 2.0: Here’s How Much America Has Radically Changed on His Watch,” CBC News, December 25, 2025, https://www.cbc.ca/news/world/trump-second-term-change-data-9.7026631 –
– Adolf Hitler, Mein Kampf, 2 vols., Franz Eher Nachfolger, 1925–1926 –
NOTE: All of the above is a work of fictional satire and parody.
Hi, I’m Wayne Jones. Welcome to Newfoundland Boy, a podcast about the Canadian province of Newfoundland. This is episode 60: My EXCLUSIVE Interview with President Donald J. Trump!
You may have heard in the news recently that the president was unaccountably absent for an afternoon this past week. The reason is that he replied to my DM on Truth Social and agreed to be interviewed by me. His helicopter landed unceremoniously at the St. John’s airport, and he was driven in a limo to my condo building. Following is the content of our interview.
Wayne: First of all, Mr. President, I’d like to thank you for taking the time from your busy schedule to talk to me.
Trump: I’m happy to do it, Wayne. You know, I’ve had a busy year completely ending thirteen wars and reducing both inflation and unemployment in the US to zero percent, but I always make time for independent media. I’ve followed your podcast since its beginning.
Wayne: Oh my, that’s very flattering. I’m honoured, Sir. I’m wondering if I could start by asking some introductory questions before we get to details. So, what were the chicks like at Epstein’s mansion?
Trump: Epstein?
Wayne: Jeffrey Epstein. The man you arranged to have killed in prison as a fake suicide.
Trump: Oh, Jeffrey! Yes, I remember him well. Well, to answer your question, and follow your metaphor, he and I divided the women into two categories: chicks and chickens, with the dividing line at about 15 years old.
Wayne: Tell me a little about the chickens.
Trump: Oh, I can’t remember a fucking thing about them. I think they got us drinks and hung around sucking up to try to get a job with my company. What’s the word? I have an incredible vocabulary but I always block on this word. Fan of sicko?
Wayne: I think you may mean be sycophant, Sir. You know, like the Republican Party these days.
Trump: You may be right. I will check the Merriam-Webster Unabridged Dictionary later just to confirm. In any case, it was the chicks we were interested in.
Wayne: Why?
Trump: Well, I would have thought that would be obvious even to a poorly educated and barely literate person such as yourself. No offence.
Wayne: None taken, Sir.
Trump: We wanted to give the chicks the kind of good education that you are so lacking. I have nothing but respect for universities and am a strong proponent and defender of their freedom of expression. As you know, I’ve never interfered with their operations a single time during my three administrations.
Wayne: Excuse me, Sir, but, with all due respect, I believe you mean two.
Trump: Oh, yes, there were those two universities who totally caved and paid money and cancelled some programs just because I had threatened to rob them of millions of dollars of federal funding. You are right. I think it was two.
Wayne: So, you were talking about the chicks.
Trump: Yes, well, there’s not more to say. Jeffrey and I and his chicken Ghislaine arranged for scholarships for them all, and wished them the best in their academic pursuits. It’s all in those “Epstein files” you might have been hearing a little about in the news even way up here in frozen Canada. Pictures of the chicks, lists of grade point averages, full transcripts of their marks during their university careers, and so on. I don’t know why the demonic left has caused such a fuss about it all.
Wayne: I wonder if we could broaden out and talk about international trade. Did the inspiration for entirely upsetting the macro-economic structure by imposing tariffs come to you suddenly, or after a period of consultation with experts and then careful consideration?
Trump: Consultation and consideration? That’s a good one. Everyone told me that Canadians were dull, but I see you have a sense of humour. I mean, you’re no Carrot Top, but I get the joke.
Wayne: And so?
Trump: Yes. As you know, there is absolutely no economic cost to any country when it imposes tariffs. The money just flows into the coffers from other countries and jobs and industry continue to thrive in America.
Wayne: But Sir—
Trump: We’ve got billions and billions of dollars now. I would say that by the end of this interview it might even be trillions.
Wayne: But isn’t there an effect on manufacturers and exporters of all kinds? I mean, an icon of American culture, Jim Beam, has just shut down for a year, citing the fact that Canada was its biggest customer, and Canadians are boycotting many American products now.
Trump: Fake news, Wayne.
Wayne: Can we talk about inflation?
Trump: Well, I’ve put on a few pounds, mostly muscle.
Wayne: No, I mean economic inflation.
Trump: As I mentioned, this is not an issue for Americans. Their pockets and pocketbooks are jammed full of cash, and there will be more as prices continue to decline.
Wayne: But the reports are that inflation has been on a rollercoaster. It was at 2.4 percent in September of 2024 when President Biden was in office, took a dip in April of 2025, but as of last month was up to 2.7 percent.
Trump: Wayne, you’re a good-looking kid, but I don’t think there’s much going on in that head of yours. Did I not already say “fake news.”
Wayne: But these are statistics from—
Trump: I don’t pay attention to made-up statistics by incredibly experienced and dedicated statistical and economic experts. I rely on what I feel as an average and dare I say exceptional lying sociopath.
Wayne: Can we talk about the job numbers?
Trump: Sure, but I think the last time I consulted my feelings, they were up by a good nine hundred thousand.
Wayne: In fact, Sir, they were down by about one hundred thousand in October.
Trump: Where are you getting that fake news?
Wayne: The Bureau of Labor Statistics.
Trump: Didn’t I fire that Director recently?
Wayne: Yes, but—
Trump: Listen, Wayne, I’m happy to do this interview for your terrific podcast about young Newfoundland girls, but you’re going to have to stick to the facts.
Wayne: Noted, Sir. May I ask you about something that’s been a matter of a lot of concern and anger here in Canada, and that is your suggestion that we become the fifty-first state.
Trump: Yes. It would be terrific. And Canadians would start paying for healthcare instead of getting the welfare stamp handouts that they currently get.
Wayne: We don’t get stamps, Sir.
Trump: I’ve been working on a new flag to show Canada as the fifty-first state. You won’t get a star like the great fifty states we currently have. But in the bottom corner we will put a little igloo with a maple leaf on it. What do you think?
Wayne: It sounds terrific, Sir. Every time I talk to any Canadian, they always tell me that what we are lacking in this country is total and absolute disrespect, and a very worrying lack of authoritarian rule. I mean, we still have a prime minister and a parliament for God sake.
Trump: That’s incredible. The vote must have been rigged or something.
Wayne: I have bad news for you, Sir. It was a free and fair election organized at the national level by an agency independent of the political parties and the individual provinces.
Trump: My God, that sounds horrible. You could still be rid of all that if your Prime Minister Blarney would cooperate, but right now I’m looking at Greenland again, and trying to figure out how I can steal it without it looking like I am stealing it.
Wayne: Good luck with that. I am sure that Greenlanders and the Danish support you fully.
Trump: There’s some resistance for some reason. It’s a puzzle to me, even with my one hundred and ninety-nine IQ, why countries are not able to grasp the logic of a narcissist who never thinks anything through.
Wayne: That must be frustrating.
Trump: You’re telling me. Well, Wayne, you’ve been a delight to talk to, and I’m glad I’ve had the opportunity to convince you that I am totally right in everything I do. But they’re just putting the fried chicken into the oil in the limo outside and I should get going.
Wayne: Yes, Sir. It’s important to stay healthy.
Trump: You’re a good man, Wayne, for saying that.
Wayne: I wish I could say the same about you, Sir.
Trump: Thank you, a pleasure.
Wayne: Thank you, Mr. President.
And with that, he was whisked out the door by Secret Service agents and I watched from my window as the napkin was put around his neck in the limo and someone opened a can of Mountain Dew for him.
That’s all for this episode. You can find Newfoundland Boy wherever you get your podcasts, including YouTube. And watch for this episode also on Truth Social and on the White House website. Thanks for listening, and please join me again next Saturday.
